The Tomboy Project – Updated 3.5 Years Later

She isn’t a HE ~ She’s just “G”

About three and a half years ago I posted a rant about a comment that was made to my youngest daughter while at school.  I have also explained her personality and how I feel about her.  But lately I had struggled with something that I didn’t think I would, even after the previous comments.  She is my daughter, but you can call her G.

You see, as I’ve mentioned before, Gianna is very much a tomboy to a tee.  She probably has a teeny tiny girl bone in her body, but it’s very hard to find.  Once and a while she will let the hidden girly side come out and it’s always a funny thing to witness.  It’s like watching a deer in headlights.  She will get into these moods where she wants to have “makeovers” and she’ll do my oldest daughters make up.  At first it was quite the sight to see but over the years of doing these little mini-makeovers {about 2 a year}, she has become quite skilled at it.  I’ve always been very proud of her.  Even with the comments made to her previously, she’s been strong and has always remained true to herself.  It wasn’t until she wanted to cut her hair.  Short.  Boy short.  That’s when I suddenly became very scared, mad and nervous for her.  I’ll explain.

As I’ve mentioned before, she has always been a tomboy.  Well, ever since I relinquished my duties of dressing her.  I gave up that fight when she was about 4.  All she wanted to wear was a white hanes undershirt…all the time.  She wore them to school.  She wore them to bed.  She wore them 24/7 and I was ok with that.  After that we moved on to baseball hats and white t-shirts.  I was ok with that.  Then, little by little she would venture into her older brothers room and steal his shirts and shorts.  Then she wouldn’t wear any of her own clothes no matter how hard I tried.  She was head strong and wanted to wear what she wanted.  I thought I’d pick and choose my battles and clothing wasn’t a battle I wanted to waste my energy on.  Then we started shopping in the boy section for t-shirts, basketball shorts and shoes.  Those were the only things she would wear, aside from the elastic ankle-style sweatpants for the winter months.  After she exhausted all of the boy outer clothing methods, she recently ventured into wearing boys boxer briefs…again, because to her, they were more comfortable.  To her, all of this was about comfort.  In my previous rant, you’ll see that the clothing for girls and boys are completely different and it isn’t until puberty strikes that boy and girl bodies are different (ASIDE from gender body parts).  Once puberty strikes, girls develop hips and breasts while boys get taller.  Why is it so hard to find cute girl clothing that isn’t full of sparkles?  Why is it so hard to find clothing that isn’t all pink and purple in color?  Why is it that in the year 2015 we can’t have non-stereotyped gender clothing for girls AND boys?  Why is it that girls have sparkles and boys have sports?  Do clothing manufacturers really think that every girl wants to wear a dress or something with pink sparkles all the time?  OR tight fitting capped sleeves on their t-shirts or hip hugging jeans?  Do they not think that girls wish to be comfortable too?

But I digress.  What this post is supposed to be about is me dealing with my feelings after my daughter asked me if she can get her hair cut.  She had beautiful longer hair at that time and it was something that she’s asked for, for years.  Knowing that she was going to be in 6th grade next year, I thought, lets just wait until after school lets out and we’ll go and get it cut thinking that she’d have some time for it to grow out if she didn’t like it.  That wasn’t good enough.  She wanted her friends to see her with her new haircut before school was out.  I began to have second thoughts about the haircut but promised we’d do it the next day.  Bright at early we got up and went to get it cut.  I tried the beauty shop that I normally go to but they couldn’t get her in so we did what anyone else would do, we went to SportsClips.  

They were excited to cut her hair short.  We showed Jessica the photo she picked out and she started cutting away.  It was short.  I was in shock, but I figured it was what she wanted so why not.  However as the day progressed, she said it was too long and wanted the top cut.  I was floored but my brother said he would fix it for her and he did.  Now he wasn’t a barber by any means, but it was enough to make her happy again.  I was nervous for her with school the next day and so was she.  She asked me to email her teacher to tell her about her hair.  I did email the teacher and just told her that she had cut her hair into more of a pixie style and she was worried with what her friends might say.  I asked if she could keep an eye on her that day and report back to me with anything she felt I needed to know.  I didn’t receive any further emails, so I was anxious to see how her day went.  When she came into the car after school I asked her how everyone liked her hair and just said nonchalantly that they liked it and that was it.  Ok, great I thought.  It wasn’t until two weeks later…

She wanted her hair cut shorter.  She showed me a picture of Miley Cyrus’s hair where her sides were shaved and she just had this little poof on the top.  I thought, ok, we can do that.  It was still longer on the top so I was cool with it.  I think I was originally upset after the first cut because I was desperately holding on to her longer hair as a way to keep her girly, even though that wasn’t her being girly, it was just making me happy.  I was busy the next day and my husband said he’d take her to SportsClips and have them cut it again.  I specifically said to cut it like that photo she showed me.  What happened next I wasn’t prepared for.  When the two of them returned home I saw Gianna walking towards me and I was mad.  She looked like a little boy to me and then I instantly became scared for her.  You see, I know she’s a girl.  My family knows she’s a girl.  Her friends and teachers know she is a girl.  People outside our little circle do not know she is a little girl.  I suddenly became anxious for her and wondering how she would respond to all those judgmental people out there.  I was mad at my husband for allowing her to cut it that short.  I flat out told her that I wasn’t a fan.  I told her I didn’t like it.  I made her sad.  That made me sad.  While out for Mothers Day, the waitress called her “little buddy” and she referred to her as a “he” once.  It made me mad.  I thought about this for two days.  It was hard for me to wrap my head around this for some reason.  Why was I letting it get to me?  What was I afraid of?  Was I afraid for her, or was I afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle the reactions?  I just kept telling myself that it made her happy.  I just kept hearing her tell me that she didn’t care what people thought or said about her, and the funny thing is, she really doesn’t care.  She is 110% happy in her own skin.  She is happy being a tomboy with a short hair cut.  She is completely proud of her hair cut.  Why wouldn’t I embrace that for what it’s worth?  The whole thing made me question my own thoughts.

After a few days it grew on me.  (It’s about 1″ shorter on the top in the above photo than when she originally had it cut.)  It suddenly because so apparent to me that the hair cut that she longed for really did suit her personality.  I realized that she isn’t trying to be something she is not.  She is just be herself and I, as a parent, couldn’t ask for more from my child.  Everything was confirmed the other day when I ran into the elementary school secretary.  She pulled me aside to let me know that she saw Gianna in the hallway and she asked her if she got a new hair cut.  She said, “Yes” with the biggest smile attached.  The secretary praised me for allowing her to be herself and she was amazed at Gianna’s confidence in herself.  That made me so happy.  It was like music to my ears.  She may do a lot of strange things (to me) in her lifetime, but she will always remember the first time when she got her hair cut the way she wanted to and I will always remember that smile she showed off.  After all, it’s just hair.  I wish I had half the amount of confidence as she does.  I’d have funky colored hair myself.

I’ve tackled my own inner demons relating to her hair cut, which in hindsight, wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be.  Now, if I can only get Hanes, Fruit of the Loom, Tony Hawk, Nike, Adidas, Ellen Degeneres and countless others to making a small change in the gender specific apparel industry, I’d have completed my life’s mission.  If my daughter and I have been struggling with this for years, then how many others are struggling with it too?

Would you like to see more non-gender specific clothing good enough for GIRLS AND BOYS?