Monday, July 15, 2024
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    HomeBody & MindHiding Under My Blanket of Anxiety

    Hiding Under My Blanket of Anxiety

    Anxiety Attacks Suck!

    anxiety & panic attacks suck

    With everything that I have going on in my life, you’d expect nothing less, right?  I have suffered with anxiety on and off ever since I can remember.  It’s nothing that I can control and I don’t even know what I’m thinking of when it happens.  All I do know is that a rush of emotions take over and I start to freak out.  And by freak out, I don’t mean pull my hair and throw myself to the floor kicking and screaming.  I mean, I feel very scared and very alone and that sends me into a anxiety attack.

    For me, my anxiety takes over more so when I am driving.  It comes out of the blue.  I’ll be driving down the road and all of a sudden I panic for some strange reason, then my heart starts racing like it’s going to jump out my throat.  Then, if I haven’t calmed myself in a matter of seconds, I feel like I am going to pass out which makes me panic even more.  It usually will only last 10 seconds or so but it’s the LONGEST 10 seconds of my life at that very moment.  It has me so scared that I will actually plan out my route for everything I need to do and I will not, ever, take an expressway by myself…never.  I don’t like going anywhere where I don’t have a quick out access.  And by that, I mean, when I am planning my route, I plan it so I even know what lane I’ll be in and where I can pull over at should something happen.  Yes, it’s become that bad.

    The last time I was this anxious I was getting married.  I was under so much stress that it was my body’s way of coping.  Granted, looking at it now, it’s not the greatest way to cope.  Really, who wants to be anxious all the time, especially behind a moving vehicle, by themselves?  NOT me, but I am.

    That got me to thinking.  How did I get through that time of anxiousness when I was preparing to marry my husband?  I was so nervous and scared.  All that planning and saving.  I was in my mid-20’s then {now I’m in my mid-40’s} so I’ve gone this long without having any major anxiety related set-backs.  But again, I have never had to go through a bankruptcy, struggle to keep my home, a husband who is laid off more times than he has the opportunity to work, teen-age kids and their dramatic lives, worrying about paying bills and feeding our family, and then, accepting my brother in law into our home and changing our family dynamic.  What’s NOT to be anxious about?

    I discovered two things.  One:  I am claustrophobic.  I remember going to the zoo and being stuck in this pitch black, dark room with a bunch of strangers and all we heard were crickets.  I wanted so badly to turn on my phone or barrel my way through that scary ass dark room and get myself out of there.  But, I had a toddler holding my hand and I had to keep myself together.  I think I was the first one out of that room though!  I hated it.  From that point on, I just didn’t like the dark…and I didn’t like being locked into a dark box.  I felt very claustrophobic.  So, how does that translate into my driving?  Well, I don’t like waiting at stop lights.  Waiting there, all boxed in, freaks me out.  I hate turning left at lights because there is no way out.  I don’t like going over bridges because, well, if something happens, where can I get off?  I realized that the reason I don’t like driving is the feeling of being trapped.  Now, when I plan my routes around town, I will not go over a bridge, I will not make left hand turns at lights and I will always, always stay in the right lanes.  Sounds crazy and it probably is, but it’s the only way I know right now, how to get through it.

    Discovery number 2:  I had a book that I used to get me through my anxious times and I found it again.  I am going to use this book again to see if it can help me cope with all my stressors {as I mentioned some of them above}.  I don’t know if it will work, I really don’t, but what else do I have to lose?  The workbook that I used was called, *The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis, Ph.D., Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, M.S.W., and Matthew McKay, Ph.D..  I have the third edition and it was really, really helpful.  I am excited to give this another try.  I know there are a lot of underlying issues that is causing my anxiety and I have to use this tool to help me figure it out so I can live a more productive life and not be so afraid to drive from point a to point b because that really does suck!

    Yes, I have tried meditation and yoga to get me through and while I do enjoy both, I feel I need to give myself a refresher course using this book as my guide.  I will be updating how things are going frequently because maybe by doing so it too will help get me through what ever transitional phase of life I’m going through.

    If you currently have or have experienced any type of anxiety, please share your story with me.  Please tell me how you get through your attacks, and what you have learned from your experiences.  I know that millions suffer from this and we don’t have to do this alone anymore.

    *indicates an affiliate link-which means, if you make a purchase using that link, I will receive a small percentage of that sale.  I do not receive anything by you clicking on the link itself.

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