Boys Teasing Girls Sends Wrong Message

He Likes You, That’s Why He Teases You!

I can’t remember where or when, but I recall reading something about the relationship between boys and girls and how that shapes and molds us into the adults we are.  That isn’t the only thing that determines who we are of course, but what we are taught about the opposite sex is what determines how we respond or react to them.

I can remember long ago when I was younger this one boy used to tease me and call me names.  It was hurtful and to this day I can remember the horrible words that came out of his mouth.  We were in middle school.  It was something that made me become very very self-conscious of my own body.  He would refer to my chest because I was flat chested until I hit the age of 14 and then he didn’t have a leg to stand on.  But before that, the choice of words he used made me cry and hate him.  Then my parents would say, “Oh he likes you that’s why he’s saying those things”….and those words didn’t make me like him, they made me dislike him for years to come.  To this day, I am very self-conscious of my body and have suffered a lot of sadness as a result.  Now I am 45 years old, over weight and have a horrible view of myself, of what I should look like and what I should feel like.  It’s warped actually.  I have let so many things get in the way of the beautiful, kind-hearted, giving and sincere person I know I am.

As if that weren’t enough, I distinctly recall a moment when my now 16 year old was in first grade.  She would come home telling me that Sam would make fun of her and tease her.  I instantly remember saying, “Oh that’s just because he likes you”, then I remember saying “Boys do that to girls when they like them, he likes you, you’ll see”.  WHAT????  What was I thinking saying that to her?  I could kick myself if I could go back in time.  But that wasn’t where it ended.  My youngest now went through the same thing around that age but this time, she would just talk back and not “let” the little one push her around.  She was feisty and I applaud her for that.  She knew before me that it wasn’t ok for him to tease her even if he did like her.

Do you see where I am going with this?  We as parents tell our little girls that it is ok for a boy to pick on her, tease her, taunt her, make fun of her, call her names, push her around….because why?  He likes you!!!  That must mean, if he loves you, you should allow him to do this to you!  NO!!!!  That is completely incorrect!  Instead of telling our girls it is “Ok, that just means he likes you….”, we should be empowering our girls and telling them that it is OK for them to stand up for themselves and to NOT let any boy, or girl for that matter….of any age be mean to them!  We need to teach our little boys, NO, you do NOT pick on people, girls or boys.  We need to teach our little boys to be better men.  We need to teach our girls to be confident in themselves.

Today at work I saw a couple young boys standing in a line.  This one girl wanted to get something that was behind them.  The boys wouldn’t move.   I went over to them and said, “Boys, you see she needs to get behind you to get what she needs.  You should be gentlemen about it and let her get through.”  The two boys just stood there refusing to move.  They were completely teasing her and messing with her so that she would stay there longer with them.  The young girl didn’t say anything just kept bobbing and moving her arm in and out of them trying to get what she needed.  Finally I just told the boys to move and I think they saw my “mom face” and that I meant business so they moved out of her way.  She got what she wanted, said thanks to me and went about her business, without ever saying a word to the two boys.  I think that’s what prompted me to write this.  I am so tired of seeing boys mistreat girls and I am even more tired of seeing girls let the boys treat them the way they do.

Moms, it is our job to raise confident young women who aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe is right.  It is our job to teach and remind our girls that they are strong and beautiful and they should not allow anyone to treat them badly.  They control how people treat them and respond to them.  That being said, we also need to teach our boys to be respectful to girls.  Yes, I have a son and I am constantly correcting his choice of words, his tone and how he treats the girls in his life; sisters, family, myself and friends.  It’s never to early to start teaching respect to our girls and boys…and it’s never too late to correct bad behavior between the genders.

Why do we as parents feel this type of behavior between girls and boys is ok?