That’s what I feel like yelling at the top of my lungs when I go retreat to my office. I have total peace of mind here. It’s my space. It’s where I work. It’s where you will find me 9 times out of 10. I have a big comfy chair, a tv, my iMac, books and everything else I love in here. I have drawings that the kids made in frames lining the book shelf and little frames with meaningful sayings on top of my desk. It’s my main “hub” so to speak and it’s been this way for years upon years. So why am I under attack so much? Yes, attack….from my husband.
I had been an entrepreneur for 8 years. I just recently took on a part-time job to cover the new auto expense. I am also blogging now and have been for a couple years prior to taking on the part-time job. Why is now any different than before? I’m still here. I haven’t gone anywhere and don’t have any plans on going anywhere soon, so what’s the big fuss all about?
And, by fuss, I mean, stupid little comments from the peanut gallery. Things like, “maybe you should get out of your office, and get a real job”…. that right there…fighting words to anyone who works on a computer. I’ve heard it so much now that I just give it right back and politely remind him of the “perks” I’ve received as a blogger, but that’s not a real job. I honestly love blogging, always have and always will. I love writing. Always have, always will. I would love to be a full-time blogger, but with the lack of support, it makes it that much harder!
I know my dear husband is probably tired of the run around that he gets with his job, being laid off so frequently and I know and fully understand his pressure to provide for the family, I pay the bills every week, by myself even after asking and wishing he’d be more proactive with this stuff. But that’s no excuse for taking his frustrations out on me. He’s made very mean comments {worse than the one above} to me and I know they weren’t unintentional. They were meant to sting and they did. I won’t repeat them, but just know, it’s not how you would want your son in law to talk to your daughter.
I just don’t understand, why now? We’ve been dancing this financial dance since 2009. It’s emotionally draining for both of us. I’ve had to take on miscellaneous jobs, hold many garage sales, try selling old things on eBay and taking used items to resale shops. I know. I’ve lived it too. However, the difference between myself and my husband is that I try to remain positive while he is always bringing me and everyone around him down with his negative thinking and mind-frame. I want to just shake him and scream to him that this is not helping our situation. This negative attitude breeds more negativity. It’s common Law of Attraction. It’s like for every one positive comment I make, he’s there pointing out two negatives. I can’t keep up and he keeps beating me down with the negative tone. I fully believe in the LOA mind you, and have created my own peaceful space so I can meditate, ponder, journal and just get away. I light my yellow, green candles and burn my incense. It centers me and helps me get through the day. I just wish I could box up a smidgen of my positive outlook and force him to open it. Upon opening that box, it would hit him smack in the face and then he’d realize how he has been verbally setting us back.
Perhaps I need to leave little post-it notes all around the house so that when he’s home all day, like today, he can see them and maybe just maybe one note will open his eyes and his mind. Perhaps if I visualize him being open to receiving positivity, it will happen.
So tell me, two things… How is it that you would go about this knowing for every one step forward you take personally, your significant other tries sabotage your positivity which then brings you back two steps. And, how does your significant other respond to you being a blogger? Is he/she supportive or do they hold a bit of resentment there too?
I’d like to hear what you think…..
I feel you. Though my husband is supportive, I feel pressure & sometimes sense resentment. My blog is still young but I feel kind of like, if I don’t make it profitable soon his support may waver a bit. I think it’s difficult for them to grasp what they don’t understand. They simply don’t know all that goes into blogging.
Try to remember that you can’t control others’ actions or reactions; only your own. Neither are responsible for them. Focus only on what you can control. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. {All things my therapist has told me at one time or another ;-}
Thanks for sharing. It’s nice to see how other bloggers are coping with these things. Have a great week! -Krista
Thanks Krista! I think that’s where my husband is at now with the blogging. I feel as if he’s saying it without really saying, if you don’t make real money with this thing soon either shit or get off the pot already. He just goes at it the wrong way.
I do agree about focusing on what I can control. This week I’ve focused on my own happiness and what what means to me. Despite his negativity, my happiness level has not wavered. 🙂
I’m a blogger, I have a full time career and my blog brings in a small income.
My husband is 100% supportive.
I feel concern that you’ve aired dirty laundry and disparaged your husband. I’d handle it privately, tell him to cut the crap and realize he is envious because he feels like a failure as a father, husband and provider. He may not even realize it. I’d reassure him it will work out and I’d definitely seek counseling. You’ve been doing this for six years… Maybe it is time for an objective party to step in.
Good luck.
First, I must say that I am genuinely happy that you have a 100% supportive husband. Keep in mind that some of us aren’t as lucky at you.
As for airing my dirty laundry, it is my laundry to air and it is my platform here. It is my blog. One that I started so that I can speak my mind freely and with honesty.
I’m not sure where the comment came from with regards to him feeling like a failure as a father, which I am taking offense too because he is a very good father and he does the best he can to be the main provider. That said, he has sacrificed a lot that has given me the ability to be a stay at home mom to my children for 14 years, so to me, that speaks volumes.
I am mainly referring to his lack of support where blogging is concerned and his overall negativity. He doesn’t think blogging is or can be a career. I am not getting a weekly paycheck so there for, it’s a hobby. Which at this point perhaps it is, but that can change at any given moment. Him being a “glass is half empty” kind of guy doesn’t help any of our situations either.
I will share this update with you though. Since I posted this particular blog post {almost 2 months ago} my husband and I have had a long, over-due heart to heart and have reached an understanding that is acceptable for the both of us. Marriage takes work and if either of us wanted to give up on our relationship, we would have done it years ago. Life with three kids makes you very busy and sometimes the communication just isn’t there. That was the mistake we made this time around. We have had many ups and downs in our 26 years together and I suspect this won’t be the last of the them.