Learning How to: Not Give a Shit

That’s right. I don’t give a shit!  So I’m declaring this a NO SHIT ZONE!

For just about all my life I have always worried about what other people thought.  I would worry myself sick at night about it.  I would stress and throw myself into an anxiety attack over it.  I never understood why I cared so much, and still don’t know why.  What happened in my childhood that made me that way?  I know it isn’t just because I’m a girl and I aim to please.

I remember always being afraid of getting in trouble, so while I did do things wrong growing up, I wasn’t as rebellious as my younger brother.  I didn’t go away to school, I was too scared to leave home.  I didn’t have crazy parties and end up in jail!  I for the most part, walked the straight line.  Yet, I still cared.  What if I wasn’t good enough?

I went through my teen years and my early 20’s not being much of a risk taker, mainly because I didn’t want to fail at what ever it was that was ahead of me.  I wanted to open my own store.  That didn’t work because, what if I didn’t know what I was doing, which at that time and that young age, I didn’t know what I was doing.  I wanted to travel and see the world.  That didn’t happen and now I’m too afraid to travel to the corner out of fear of having an anxiety attack.  I wanted my “friends” to like me, yet I never felt they did, but I did feel much like an outsider and was definitely a follower.

Then I experienced three miscarriages before having my first child.  That was the most devastating time in my entire life.  It not only changed me, but it changed my husband and the relationship I had with him.  When I finally did get pregnant, I felt like I was doing everything on my own and I just remember sitting on the steps to my new house with my new baby and thinking how in the Hell am I going to do all of this?  How am I going to manage my life, a baby, work, keep the house clean {when I hated cleaning}, pay the bills, and on and on and on.  How was one person supposed to do it all?  I sat there and cried.  I was on the phone with my mom and I just cried.  I don’t know if it was postpartum depression, but I know I was certainly overwhelmed.  It was then that my mom said this to me and it’s never left my mind.  “Think about this.  When you die, do you think it will read on your headstone, “She kept a really clean house”?  Who cares what the inside of your home looks like?  So what if there are toys on the floor and dishes in your sink?  All that matters is that you take care of your baby, play with her, feed her, change her, take her outside and love her, nothing else will matter at the end of the day.”  I took that to heart and ever since then, if my husband came home and the toys were on the floor, I didn’t care.  If my husband came home and dinner wasn’t ready right then and there, I didn’t care.  I learned at that time not to care about things that really had no relevance in my life.  As long as my baby was well-cared for and loved, everything else could wait, and it usually did.

Then with the second and third, well, I’m surprised that anything at all got done.  Now that they are older, my house isn’t picture perfect.  I usually have piles of papers from the week on the kitchen table.  I usually have piles of shoes in the middle of my foyer.  I usually have jackets hanging from the banister and backpacks thrown in the hall and on occasion, you’ll find one sock on the family room floor.  I have no idea where the other one went, but at the end of the year, I’m sure I’ll find the other in the box of lost socks in my closet.

I hate confrontation but I’m getting better at saying NO to people.  I am getting better at standing up for myself.  It’s sad when you have to ask your teenager, “How do you go about your day and just not care what people think?”.  The reply I get, “I just don’t care”, “They don’t have any relevance in my life, so why bother caring what they think.”  Then I asked, “well I have a relevance in your life and you don’t care what I think, or what my opinion is, how is that?”.  She said, “You are relevant in my life, but I don’t have to agree with everything you say.  I do have my own opinions and I’ll do what I feel is right for me”.  Hmmm.  If I could only have been that wise at 16 maybe my life would have been a lot different.

It took my standing up and saying NO to my mom and standing tall with my decision to invite my brother in law into my home, as well as my short but very powerful talk with my teenaged daughter to make me realize that I have spent my entire life trying to please OTHER people!!!  While I was doing that, I was never happy with myself as me.  I was always trying to be someone or do something that didn’t feel right to me.  I was always worried about what my friends thought.  I was always afraid of what people would think if they knew the real me and the truth behind my fears.  I decided at that moment, that I’m letting go!  Here’s what I’ve learned so far.  Please feel free to comment below with your own favorites.

1.  I wouldn’t give a shit anymore.  Cause, why should I?

2.  If it didn’t impact my life directly, I wouldn’t give a shit anymore.  Do you really think I care about other people’s gossip?  I could care less.

3.  If it didn’t benefit me, I won’t give a shit anymore.  I’m tired of putting myself last!

4.  If I have a strong opinion about something, I’ll share my views and won’t give a shit.  We all have our own opinions and if you don’t like mine, who really gives a shit?

5.  If I want to do something or say something I will because- I won’t be giving a shit anymore.  I have a mind and mouth of my own and I intend on using it.

6.  If someone asks me to do something and I don’t want to, I’m not going to do it.  Nope, won’t be giving a shit about it.  Do it your damn self!

7.  If something doesn’t go my way and it starts to make me stressed, I simply won’t give a shit anymore.  If it wasn’t meant to be, something else is meant to be…so I’ll just get over it.

8.  If my kids whine about wanting something and they can’t have it, I don’t really give a shit anymore, let them whine.

9.  If something happens that is out of my control, I won’t give a shit.  Why give a shit? It will only make matters worse so just roll with it.

10.  If we run out of fabric softener before the laundry soap, I don’t give a shit.  No one said you HAD to have fabric softener when you wash clothes anyway!

11.  If I don’t feel like making what’s on the dinner menu, I don’t give a shit.  Have cereal instead.

I could go on, but right now, I’m tired and I really don’t give a shit anymore!