Saying Good-bye – My Personal Tribute

Saying Good-Bye is Hard

My Personal Tribute

Saying Good-Bye, My Personal Tribute
As I sit here, it’s quiet. Almost too quiet. I turn on some music. “Say You Say Me” by Lionel Richie is on. My mind wanders. What was it that made things go from good to bad in a matter of two months? Was it fear? Was it feeling like a disappointment to yourself or others? Was it the desperate need to feel your own love and acceptance?  What was it?  We’ll never know for sure.

When you came to live with us everything was so new and scary. You took that first step by walking through our door. That was strength. I remember you apologizing to me for standing so much and not being able to sit down. You said it was because you were used to moving from place to place that you just couldn’t sit still. Just sitting down without worry was foreign to you. Gradually you were able to sit.

You joined us at our dinner table every night. You prayed silently before every meal. You hoped for the miracle of being a dad again. You longed to be back together with your son.  You loved him so much.  He was who you were living for even though you questioned yourself a lot.  We stayed up at night talking, just you and I. You were so kind to me. We hadn’t been close in many years. We bonded through those late night chats. I don’t think you really knew how much you had helped me.  I will treasure those moments for all of eternity.  You had more strength in you that you didn’t even know you had.  I saw it.

Listening to this song on the radio is so powerful that the tears flow. I never understood those lyrics but this particular verse struck a cord with me.

As we go down life’s lonesome highway
Seems the hardest thing to do is to find a friend or two
That helping hand, some one who understands
And when you feel you’ve lost your way
You’ve got some one there to say, “I’ll show you”

I tried.  We tried.  You tried.  In the end, it just wasn’t meant to be.  While your life was cut short, way too short, perhaps your purpose was to teach.  We always think we have all the answers when in reality, we know nothing.  We are oblivious to the world around us, walking around with heads in clouds and feet in cement, never getting anywhere important.  You kept saying “I’m blessed”.  You said that the very first time I hugged you on that cold winter day after I asked you how you were, “I’m blessed”…and you really were, but you also blessed us.  You see, we hadn’t seen you in years.  There was chip on someone’s shoulder here but you still walked through the doors, blessed and looking for a new life.  For 7 months, you had a new life.

The minute you were up and awake, you were looking for employment.  From the moment you found a job, you were on to the next goal, and the next.  I was so impressed and motivated by your drive.  You were on your way.  Suddenly your goals became fears and those fears got the best of you.  I wish… I wish for so much and right now, I wish, I wish you could be here, but it’s too late.  You’ve moved on. 

Saying Good-Bye is Hard!

You leave us empty hearted, but we know for those short 7 months, you knew what it was like to be loved.  You knew what it was like to have a friend.  You knew what it was like to have a brother.  You knew what it was like to have your nieces and nephews back in your life.  You saw what it was like to be a part of our family.  Now I can only wish that you have found peace.  I can only wish that you are now surrounded by all of our families, friends and loved ones who have passed over.  I can only hope that at this moment you are embraced by eternal love.

You, my brother-in-law will be missed dearly.  I know you will be watching over all of us and cracking those sarcastic jokes and even though we can’t see you, I know you’ll be smiling and keeping us all safe.  Now you can see your son anytime you want, with no fear, and with peace in your heart.   You brought new light to my heart and you will be missed.

Now, I listen to “Why” by Annie Lennox and wonder just that….why?  Followed by Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline….is this your idea of a joke, Bill?  I am smiling.  Good Times Never Seemed So Good….

 

 

 

10 thoughts on “Saying Good-bye – My Personal Tribute

  1. Oh Phyllis, I am so very very sorry to hear this. What an intense, difficult time this must be for you and your family. Thank you for sharing such a personal painful situation. “You leave us empty hearted, but we know for those short 7 months, you knew what it was like to be loved. ” What a wonderful gift you were able to give him!

  2. Oh Phyllis, my heart aches for you. You are a wonderful friend, and I have no doubt that you touched his life equally as he touched yours. I am so sorry for your loss.

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